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NYC Songs 2015​-​2018

by Kitchen Sink

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Macks
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Macks Shameful Billy doesn't release as mUCH MUSIC AS HE SHOULD because he's one of the most emotional, literary, and unique songwriters today. The sonic weaving of different sounds and styles here is particularly astounding. Going from the sounds of '60s and '70s pop to the lo-fi bedroom pop sounds of today, to the styles of Neutral Milk Hotel to the styles of Sun Kil Moon, and still sound like it belongs on the same release AND still sound unquestionably Billy. Picking a favorite is impossible. Favorite track: FKA Twigs Show.
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1.
Stared Into 03:08
(2018) I stared into the water I stared in the earth The two I love the most, my soul and my host They railed against me and drove up to the coast My mentor the puppet string man Took his guitar and drove it into the heartland Told me this as he began to slip Stop looking for what doesn't fit How do you know? I stared into the fire I stared into the sky How the two ends meet at a point But it's so hard to make it that far What will I do when you leave? What will I do when you go?
2.
Jungle Gym 03:16
(2017) You went to sleep on the jungle gym I tried to dream on the swing set They found us in our pjs You're a tornado, you've got me I smelt the kindergarten teacher's perfume It was drenched on the back of your neck and that's how I knew That you were never coming back, at least not as a child That you were really so much older now Don't wanna know where you are It's a stupid love You're at the grocery store, you're in your best friends car You're at my funeral, you're hanging at the mall Don't wanna know who you are It's a stupid love Don't be so emotional It was just one time 30 foot buses in the green rain I felt the water drip on the page I don't think that i deserve to exist Don't think I could ever leave it Your hair reminds me of all the children's shows I watched on tv And the short pants I used to wear before anyone cared Before I cared
3.
PJ Song 02:07
(2017) You went to the liquor store and you bought three bottles You'd thought it be the last three that you would ever buy You told me you didn't want to die That you just wanted to clock out early So you took what was left to take and you became an angel On the stoop steps I'm glad I didn't find you there And I'm glad you're still here
4.
(2015) A band-aid adorns the back of your ankle And that's what you get for wearing high heels Who were you trying to impress? Is the pain really worth it? Your arms in a sling You dislocated it, when you took a swing at me While I made you tea I watched you evaporate into steam Good luck trying to leave The seat belt clicks, but the leather seats freeze You put the key in the ignition But the sound of the engine stole all of your ambition Now you listen to me breathe And you count the seconds hoping that it will stop Your mouth is an abyss When you come to the conclusion this is only the beginning
5.
(2016) On the back of a polaroid picture I saw the gold letters you wrote When you were young and whole Just you and your mom on the back lawn But now she's gone Everyone that you love is gone So you drove out to California Where the people never hibernate You drove your car into the ocean You said I won't be blamed for the mistakes I've made But it'll all be the same Everyone everywhere is the same Now you're standing on a stage Bull fighters daughter 1903 Standing naked in the library Playing possum 1928 1945 came on a steamer Then you became a sister Sat all day and you read the scripture Just looking for an answer There is no answer There's never an answer
6.
(2017) Every night she goes out to the yard Every night I try to break her heart I fly around on trashcan wings And she goes and she hides in the livestock leaves I carved your name into the willow tree And I took what was left to the old creel I didn't think you would ever leave With your bread basket eyes and your plaster knees I still miss your three colored sheets And how if I asked you would always hold me You dropped my ring into the soapy sink And I watched as you watch all the water drain I covered myself in salt And I tried to dissolve through the windshield in the snowy hills I played dead in a cave thought of your ankle brace As I sipped the suburban sun Now you sit like a wave in the back of my mind And you act just like the tide I had a vision of the future I knew I still loved you So if you have the time
7.
(2015) I woke up in an Edward Hopper painting I wondered why the walls were so white I woke up in an Edward Hopper painting I wondered where everyone went And why was I standing next to the sunlight What was I trying to find can you tell me Edward Do I really look that lonely or is it more of an artistic interpretation Cause seeing myself so naked so bare so honest just makes me want to cry I waited for you outside of the FKA Twigs show You always said that you were a fan I tried to buy a ticket I tried to get in But they were all sold out ... I waited for you outside of the FKA Twigs show But you probably didn't want to see me anyway
8.
(2018) Goodnight

about

Hello there,

It has been a long time since we've talked, I'm sorry about that. But a part of me thought we might never speak again. It feels strange to put out an album like this. One that on the surface would almost appear to be b-sides from a much more fruitful period, but there is no fruitful period, there is only this. 8 songs that span the length of 4 years and then 2 years of recording on and off. I've made peace with the fact that I work slowly, but I hope to never hold on to anything like this again, For the past two years these songs have felt more like burdens than anything else, holding me into the past when I wanted to move into the future. To me this record is a preservation of a person who used to exist by the one that is currently existing. So after all this time and anxiety and doubt and glee and frustration and inspiration finally comes relief. I am so relieved and excited to pass these songs on to you, may the world be kind to them.

Love,
Billy

credits

released June 21, 2020

Billy Rudberg - Lyrics, Singing, Guitar, Bass, Synth
Jacob Sanders - Drums, Piano, Background Singing

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Kitchen Sink Brooklyn, New York

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wbrudberg@gmail.com

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