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Meaningless Months

by Billy Rudberg

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1.
Wasting words wishing we were wrapped around one another I'd encompass you entirely like the Atlantic Ocean My arms are the waves that surround you So don't fight the current And let me drown you Learning languages only listed in loving relationships My mouth makes mysterious movements that i've never experienced You make me feel like it's okay to speak When I'm with you I feel completely For Once I felt I could relate to sappy love songs and simple poetry I could look into someone's eyes and i knew they weren't looking through mine I blew the breeze on my own island scene so serene I could dream again like I did when I was seventeen Someone saw me the way I always wanted to be seen I thought I was in love
2.
February 02:56
You're the epitome of everything i hate about this generation Writing songs about your friends How miserable it is when you're not with them You can't even recall all your favorite memories, how awful that must be I know that we all get a little upset, but next time why don't you try being a little poetic i'm the epitome of pretentious, when your friends think pretentious they picture me How many Velvet Underground T-shirts does one person need? I don't know but I have three I don't lie, but I don't say what I mean, aren't I so interesting? Just listen to this next part slowly, i think you could learn to love Bruce At least more than you loved me I'm sorry i made you feel so bad about the things you like I just got too comfortable I thought I could say nothing wrong No one should have to walk on egg shells around the one that they love Why do I do the things that I do? Why do I say the things that i do? Why do I feel the need to make everyone feel as miserable as I do? I was so afraid to say I love you But now that you're leaving, now that I might never see you again I just wanted to say I'll miss you
3.
We met during the meaningless months You had just turned 20 and I was almost 21 Two months that excluded birthdays and holidays No presents were ever exchanged Except for a passport picture of me That I want for you to keep I’ll never love January But I’ll always love the beginning When you made the meaningless months mean something Through one text you sent you said That I made your heart cave in Right now I’d rather be alone Then listen to you quote Man Overboard You told me you loved me Before you ever even met me When we only talked through superficial screens And I was stuck in South Jersey I attempted to be intimate Though I only came off aloof I couldn’t convey sincerity But I was always sincere towards you Distance was always aparent It was always in the back of our minds Now that I’m two hours away Now that I’m in the same state You tell me this isn’t working You inform me that it hasn’t been You say I should pretend you don’t exist You say it's for the best Twice in two months Twice in two months Twice is not enough Twice is all it took to fall in love I'm in love with falling in love I'm in love with falling I love falling in love during the meaningless months (Voicemail)
4.
April 04:08
Sometimes I miss the things we used to do But mostly I yearn for the ones we never did My entire life has been consumed With ideas of what it'd be like to be in love Lists upon lists exist Of the things I wanted for us I kept my plans well hid But here is a list of things we never did: I never showed you my laments I never held you while you cried I never met your parents You never met mine I never drove you to my old high school You never introduced me to where you grew up We never played board games with my sister We never spun your favorite records We never did anything extraordinary I never bought you flowers I never learned your favorite color We never went on a date I never got the opportunity to pay We never saw the world together We never flew on an airplane I never talked to your little brother about hockey I never bought your mom expensive jewelry I never shook your dad’s hand I never had the chance You never met my family We never experienced the holidays We never got caught in the rain I never said I loved you Even though I did You said you loved me But I wasn’t ready for it Now you have my mornings and nights You overwhelm my entire waking life I repeat all the words that you said And continue to think about the things we never did

about

This is a break up album. By no means an original idea, but it felt like something I needed to write. It seems people have been obsessed with love since the beginning of time, and I don’t fall too far out of line. In fact, every song on here uses the word “love” at least once, if not multiple times. Yet, for using the word so many times, I could not give an accurate definition. I’m not sure anyone honestly could. Maybe we overuse the word love. Maybe it exists. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe I had it. Maybe I didn’t. Whatever it was though, it seemed perpetually fleeting and quickly became the source of these 4 songs. Some parts were written while we were together, but most of it was conceived during the aftermath. Writing it made me feel better, so I hope listening to it makes you feel better. And always remember, true love will find you in the end.

Dedicated to CKW

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released June 3, 2014

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Kitchen Sink Brooklyn, New York

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wbrudberg@gmail.com

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