Meaningless Months

by Billy Rudberg

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about

This is a break up album. By no means an original idea, but it felt like something I needed to write. It seems people have been obsessed with love since the beginning of time, and I don’t fall too far out of line. In fact, every song on here uses the word “love” at least once, if not multiple times. Yet, for using the word so many times, I could not give an accurate definition. I’m not sure anyone honestly could. Maybe we overuse the word love. Maybe it exists. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe I had it. Maybe I didn’t. Whatever it was though, it seemed perpetually fleeting and quickly became the source of these 4 songs. Some parts were written while we were together, but most of it was conceived during the aftermath. Writing it made me feel better, so I hope listening to it makes you feel better. And always remember, true love will find you in the end.

Dedicated to CKW

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released June 3, 2014

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Track Name: January (Once)
Wasting words wishing we were wrapped around one another
I'd encompass you entirely like the Atlantic Ocean
My arms are the waves that surround you
So don't fight the current
And let me drown you

Learning languages only listed in loving relationships
My mouth makes mysterious movements that i've never experienced
You make me feel like it's okay to speak
When I'm with you I feel completely

For Once
I felt I could relate to sappy love songs and simple poetry
I could look into someone's eyes and
i knew they weren't looking through mine
I blew the breeze on my own island scene so serene
I could dream again like I did when I was seventeen
Someone saw me the way I always wanted to be seen
I thought I was in love
Track Name: February
You're the epitome of everything i hate about this generation
Writing songs about your friends
How miserable it is when you're not with them
You can't even recall all your favorite memories, how awful that must be
I know that we all get a little upset, but next time why don't you try being a little poetic

i'm the epitome of pretentious,
when your friends think pretentious they picture me
How many Velvet Underground T-shirts does one person need?
I don't know but I have three
I don't lie, but I don't say what I mean, aren't I so interesting?
Just listen to this next part slowly, i think you could learn to love Bruce

At least more than you loved me
I'm sorry i made you feel so bad about the things you like
I just got too comfortable I thought I could say nothing wrong
No one should have to walk on egg shells around the one that they love

Why do I do the things that I do?
Why do I say the things that i do?
Why do I feel the need to make everyone feel as miserable as I do?
I was so afraid to say I love you
But now that you're leaving, now that I might never see you again
I just wanted to say
I'll miss you
Track Name: March (Twice)
We met during the meaningless months
You had just turned 20 and I was almost 21
Two months that excluded birthdays and holidays
No presents were ever exchanged
Except for a passport picture of me
That I want for you to keep
I’ll never love January
But I’ll always love the beginning
When you made the meaningless months mean something

Through one text you sent you said
That I made your heart cave in
Right now I’d rather be alone
Then listen to you quote Man Overboard

You told me you loved me
Before you ever even met me
When we only talked through superficial screens
And I was stuck in South Jersey
I attempted to be intimate
Though I only came off aloof
I couldn’t convey sincerity
But I was always sincere towards you
Distance was always aparent
It was always in the back of our minds
Now that I’m two hours away
Now that I’m in the same state
You tell me this isn’t working
You inform me that it hasn’t been
You say I should pretend you don’t exist
You say it's for the best

Twice in two months
Twice in two months
Twice is not enough
Twice is all it took to fall in love

I'm in love with falling in love
I'm in love with falling
I love falling in love during the meaningless months

(Voicemail)
Track Name: April
Sometimes I miss the things we used to do
But mostly I yearn for the ones we never did
My entire life has been consumed
With ideas of what it'd be like to be in love
Lists upon lists exist
Of the things I wanted for us
I kept my plans well hid
But here is a list of things we never did:

I never showed you my laments
I never held you while you cried
I never met your parents
You never met mine
I never drove you to my old high school
You never introduced me to where you grew up
We never played board games with my sister
We never spun your favorite records
We never did anything extraordinary
I never bought you flowers
I never learned your favorite color
We never went on a date
I never got the opportunity to pay
We never saw the world together
We never flew on an airplane
I never talked to your little brother about hockey
I never bought your mom expensive jewelry
I never shook your dad’s hand
I never had the chance
You never met my family
We never experienced the holidays
We never got caught in the rain

I never said I loved you
Even though I did
You said you loved me
But I wasn’t ready for it

Now you have my mornings and nights
You overwhelm my entire waking life
I repeat all the words that you said
And continue to think about the things we never did